We humans are biologically wired to want social connection – from super-close friends to casual pals we sit on the sidelines with at a child’s soccer game. There’s no denying that it’s harder to form friendships when we’re older. Experiencing “firsts” with friends (first day at a new school, first day on the swim team, etc.) during key developmental time periods can create deep bonds.
Having a rare or chronic condition can be another obstacle because so much of our time is eaten up by medical appointments and routines that keep us well. But we can stay in the friendship game throughout our lives.
You might feel a bit awkward setting out to make some new friends. Try approaching it from different angle by focusing on the interests and activities that give you purpose, meaning and satisfaction. Your illness can upend your sense of purpose if you can’t work in the same way you had been or you don’t have the free time or physical abilities necessary to pursue the hobbies you once enjoyed. This can lead to shifts in identity, isolation and loneliness.
We all need to have a sense of purpose outside of managing our health care. Find something that deeply interests you and get creative about how you can do it, even if it means with some modifications. Take a class, join a book club or re-engage with a hobby from childhood. Reassess what you enjoy and find a way. Through those absorbing experiences you are likely to meet people who are similarly passionate about your favorite thing to do – a great way to spark a new friendship.
Even tiny social interactions can add up, so if you want to start small, here’ how to do it:
Studies have shown that everyday interactions with a neighbor, a fellow dog owner or a store cashier can be quite beneficial. You get to engage, but without the complications or judgment that go along with more intimate relationships. Less personal information is shared and, in that moment, you don’t have to claim the identity of a chronic disease patient if you don’t want to. You can just be a person at the dog park or the customer who likes dark chocolate in the check- out line. Take advantage of these little connections and you might find that they boost your mood and brighten your day.
Finding New Friends Who Are Also Patients
And if you’re managing an illness, one of the benefits of forming a new friendship is that your new friend will meet you – and see you – as you are now with your current limitations and (don’t forget) hard-won resilience. People who live with the same or similar medical condition can become deep and lasting friends.
Personally, I think these peer-to-peer relationships are vital. Having a friend, group, or friends, or community who just gets it can be so very powerful. I find I can be vulnerable and not worry about the other person judging me or my abilities. It’s a wonderful, very welcome kind of freedom. How can you get started?
- Start with a trusted patient advocacy group and look for events, private social media groups, online forums and other support groups. You could have the opportunity to meet in person at a rare disease conference or you could connect with someone on the other side of the world without ever leaving your couch. Knowing that these special friends are just an instant message a way can make all the difference when feeling isolated at home or in a medical facility.
- Volunteering for a disease-related non-profit organization can link you up with new people and deepen your connection to the patient community. Take the opportunity to utilize your strengths and showcase your talents, especially if your condition has limited your ability to work or be active. As a bonus, your involvement with an advocacy group can help you manage your health care. These groups offer educational opportunities and resources for better disease management. They also organize patients so their voices are heard with decision makers such as legislators, health care providers and researchers.
- Find a special way to celebrate Rare Disease Day with millions of others around the world on February 28!
